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  1. Gold & Silver Thread

    May 15, 2012 by Maurica

    I haven’t been able to catch my breath today. My lungs can’t pull in air deep enough. While I could be fighting a cold (my lungs are my canary in the coal mine), it’s just as likely I’m just processing some emotional/psychic pain and growth. So: either/or! Or maybe even both. This afternoon I took the 3 youngest kids to SLO where we met up with our field trip class at Mitchell Park, then we walked a few blocks to Barnes & Noble for the field trip part of the day, and walked back to the park. My blood sugar and general verve crashed somewhere before the walk back, and I’m grateful for the kids’ excellent listening and my friend, Kelly, who helped me corral them.

    This lady had amazing patience...until it was gone. At which point she stood up and said "Okay. That's it. Bye." and left.

    I climbed into bed once we returned home and pretty much conked out for a couple hours. Contrary to what you may think, afternoon naps are not the norm for me! During that time I had a vivid dream about my Grammie Ruth, my Mother’s Mother. I’ve been talking with her a lot lately, and -somewhat surprisingly- she’s been talking back with me, although there’s always that excellent chance that my imagination is just really that awesome. Anyhoo, in this dream I was worried about her. I was walking somewhere and unexpectedly saw her in the distance. “Grammie? Is that you?” I called, and started briskly walking after her. She didn’t respond, and turned a corner, but it seemed that she was in a bit of an unsafe situation, so I followed. “Grammie! Where are you?!” with urgency. A lump formed in my throat. I couldn’t catch up to her. Finally I found her and I was indignant at what I perceived to be an injustice towards her. Just as I was starting to forcefully protest, she was revealed to me in full form: beatifically posed on a luminous pillow, being fawned over like a queen by those around her, a picture of serenity and repose. And someone near her said softly to me “She is sitting upon a pillow of gold and silver thread.” Oh. Thank God. And I woke up.

     

    Those words are still ringing in my head “She is sitting upon a pillow of gold and silver thread.” What does it mean? Am I perceiving problems where there is only peace and serenity? Am I getting myself riled up for no reason? I don’t know.

     

    I don’t know.

     

    It's not a great scan, since the original photo was distressed, but here's Grammie Ruth & Leo ~ 2005.

    Category Spirit | Tags: , , , , , , | No Comments

  2. Becoming a Mother

    May 13, 2012 by Maurica

    A lazy lunch in downtown Paso

    Melanie is the child that made me a mother first.

    I got pregnant with Melanie either exactly on my 22nd birthday, or pretty darn close to it. Though her appearance into this beautiful world was a bit of a complete shock, she ultimately opened waaay more doors than she closed. I mean, c’mon, here is the child that had all her teeth by her 1st birthday (2yr molars included, and yes I nursed through it!), started talking at 9 months old, and started reading around 4. She was the kid that insisted on calling me “Maurica,” despite the facts that it’s a mouthful of a name & I’m her God-given MOTHER. It was just her way of letting me know that she & I? Yeah. We’re equals. No such “Mom” or (heavens forbid!) “Mama” title for me!
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    Category Kids, Love | Tags: , , , , , , | 1 Comment

  3. Chores & Growth

    May 10, 2012 by Maurica

    I joke that Louis didn’t marry me because I’m such a wonderful homemaker, and the awful truth behind that statement is that I am a truly terrible housewife. Sure I manage all the fun housewifey things: homeschooling, baking (currently experimenting with gluten-free sourdough – stay tuned!), sewing and fibery things, I’m even upping my fermentation game (graduating from kombucha & kefir to kimchi).

    My latest culinary obsession, from Paso Robles very own Korean restaurant

    Truth be told: I hate cleaning. Really, though, who likes it? I’m also woefully bad at organizing. My husband is extremely forgiving. Even as a kid I’d have my sister sit on my bed like a queen and tell me how to clean my room (usually only after being grounded there until it was picked up). She’d sit there, criss cross applesauce, and order me, her older sister, around “Ok, first, pick up all your shoes. Ok. Now, gather up all the school papers.” Maybe I need an internal “Jessie” or -gasp!- “Barbara” to set me straight.

    Proof positive: today I have a dedicated day at home, I’m even watching my friend’s kids for several hours. Kids that are age-and-interest-matched to my own children so well that, other than keeping an ear on them and feeding them at somewhat regular intervals, I’ll have some time to myself. So what do I do? Have a big cup of black tea (and I NEVER drink caffeine!), make a mental game plan of chores, put on some scrubby clothes, load the washing machine and….start blogging.

    I’ve been thinking about acceptance lately. It’s no surprise to most of you that I’ve been having a rare tough couple months. It finally occurred to me to listen to my own advice: don’t fight reality & choose my thoughts. I am at a place of tremendous potential growth, only if I accept not only how I feel, but also realize that I only a problem if I think I have a problem. And you know what? That’s a conscious choice. I can choose what thoughts to think, but only after I allow myself to be immersed in my feelings. Non-judgemental acceptance. And by judging, I mean not to decide if feelings are “good” or “bad” or or that something “should/should not have happened.” After a deep level of acceptance, there is a calm, and then, in that eddy, thoughts can be chosen. It is our thoughts that ultimately decide our feelings, and our feelings dictate our actions, and our accumulated actions create our life experiences. And the process begins anew: feelings change, are accepted, new thoughts are chosen and a new level of growth is reached.

    Maybe I can make peace with my chores. Maybe I can find a way to choose the joy in them. Maybe I can even accept that those actions are what is right in front of me, and if they are there, I might as well embrace them!

    Well, one can hope.

    Category Home, Spirit | Tags: , , , , , , | 1 Comment

  4. Storytime

    April 30, 2012 by Maurica

    I realized that I’m sick of my story. You know the story that I mean: the story of Maurica, we all have one. It may be a function of only living in Paso for a couple years, but I’m still actively making new friends here. I’m excited to meet friends of friends, and I caught myself a few weeks ago telling a piece of my story. UGH. I actually bored myself. Then I made a silent promise that I wouldn’t tell that story ever again. The truth is that my story just isn’t me anymore. While factually accurate, it no longer defines me. I can no longer be explained by those stories. I’ve evolved. And the past has most definitely lost it’s lure. And thank God, right? Now the joy is in the risk of writing a new Maurica, an even better and more fully present Maurica – the one I always promised myself, the one I always knew was inside me. Turns out it wasn’t onion layers that needed to be pulled away to expose her, but an entirely different……what? Fruit? This metaphor has run it’s course! (I should just delete those last couple sentences, but now they’re making me laugh!)

     

    Ruthie sure as hell doesn't have a story, why should I?

    Here’s some irony for ya: a story! I wrote about this event before (somewhere?), and I apologize for returning to it. There was a time that I was numb. Disbelief, grief, shock, fear. I remember thinking “That’s it. I am so fundamentally shattered that my personality will never be the same. Too bad, I rather liked my old happy-go-lucky self.” Problem was, I kept thinking that thought. I just couldn’t get over that idea, just as I couldn’t believe my life had taken such an unexpected turn. I found solace at Crystal Cove State Beach, and I was walking there one pinky salty dusk, thinking that sad thought when I heard a voice that said

    “Well, OK.

    So then, who do you want to be?”

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    Category Ideas, Love, Spirit | Tags: , , , , , | 1 Comment

  5. Sweet Tooth

    February 29, 2012 by Maurica

    "Smarshmellows" as Ruthie says

    My sweet tooth is well-known by my family. So it was no big surprise when I upped my regular baking ante from sourdough starter EVERYTHING to …… marshmallows. For the record, homemade marshmallows are melt-in-your-mouth exquisite, and a treat I make on certain rainy days and celebrations.

    You see, friends, the Internet is a dangerous place for a housewife with rambling thoughts.

    Quite by accident I was taught how to make toffee this past Christmas. Oh, the kids at our park playmates loved when I brought my almost-not-quite-right experimental batches. The Mom who taught me (by accident, remember) had no need for a thermometer – but me! Oh yes I love/need my candy thermometer. I remember thinking over Christmas “It is really not a good thing that I now know how to make candy.”

    Cue the Powell’s candy store runs with the kids. Besides buying nearly $40 of candy for the gingerbread house (so much of that haul was eaten before the house was finished that we only decorated one side of the roof. I should’ve taken a picture but I was too ashamed of it! All that work to make the gingerbread from scratch! And organic!), I would often swing by the candy store on our walk home from the Library for just a few lollipops. I do so love lollipops! So really, who was going to complain? The 3 kids I had in tow? Or the husband and teenager I always brought something home for?

    What bothered me was the INGREDIENTS. Corn syrup is one thing (nearly all corn in the US, possibly the world, is now GMO), and some preservatives are worse than others, but the food coloring is, in my opinion, the greatest sin. Food coloring is derived from petroleum products. Some colors are believed to be linked to a host of behavioral conditions and cancer. (Here’s just once source.) Yummy? Put that tootsie pop down, woman!

    I started to wonder where I could buy candy with natural ingredients, without corn, petroleum coloring, preservatives and chemicals. Then the mighty interwebs intervened and voila! Salted caramel lollipops! In my kitchen, by me. And I learned (then taught) a few things about sugar chemistry along the way as well.

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    Category Crafty, Education, Fun, Home, Ideas, Kids | Tags: , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

  6. Minimalist Running & Some Tangents

    February 11, 2012 by Maurica

    My barefoot running is going okayish, and my minimalist running is going superbly well.  So, I’m going to put that into the WIN column. I’m basically on track to minimalist-shod run Paso’s March 25th half marathon, and then SLO’s inaugural Earth Day half on April 22nd. I’m excited! More on that in a sec.

     

    First, I must share a video that the esteemed and quite frankly hilarious Inga Tritt of Original Sprout made me watch, and boy, am I glad she did!

    Spellbinding, right? I’m really getting into Gotye and even Kimbra, who is featured to great effect in this song. I really must get a video of Ruthie singing along, especially in the car – it’s predictably adorable.

     

    Inga and I have been hanging out more since our daughters have hit it off, and this past holiday season she even co-hosted a party to benefit the Paso Women’s Shelter with us Zims. Our guests generously brought gifts for donations – it was a huge success! We’d like to make it a yearly event. If you’ve never tried Inga’s products, you’re in for a treat! They are not only ultra-safe, chemical-free, vegan, yadda yadda but they actually work, smell amazing and, I believe, are quite healing. Besides a bit of jojoba oil & shea butter, we use her hair and skin (sunscreen!) products exclusively in our home. Plus your hair color lasts longer and everything’s pH perfect and biodegradable. In short: LOVE. I don’t think I’ve posted a shot of my pink hair yet, eh? I’ve been pleasantly surprised how much longer the color lasts with Inga’s products. After never dying my hair at all (well, not since 10th grade’s unfortunate dip into the “auburn” (read: ORANGE) pool, courtesy of My So Called Life), I’ve been sporting a hot pink dip-dye job. Photo after the jump!

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    Category Fun, Love | Tags: , , , , , , | 1 Comment

  7. Times, they are a-changing!

    February 8, 2012 by Maurica

    I know, I know! It’s been a while! How are you? The holidays came and went and were just a blast. Seriously, we had one of the best Christmases ever; it’s such a blessing to have everyone together. I have a truly wonderful extended family, all around.

    Then came January and that nice return to normalcy. The early winter is birthday season for my kids: Leo turned 7 in November, Ruth turned 4 and Chance turned 16 in December, then Melanie turned 11 in January. All good FUN!

    I must share with you: this time of my life with Louis is very calm and stable, a fact I appreciate to no end. While I’ve always been able to keep a healthy perspective on my “problems” and maintain a thought pattern of thankfulness, I am so grateful for this respite from change. Eight years ago I became pregnant with Leo within mere months of dating Louis. Combining our households and then welcoming a new baby was challenging! Similarly, Ruthie was a surprise, as was homeschooling and learning to function as a family without my income. Then we bought a house, marinated in escrow for nearly half a year, and finally moved away from the town we’d lived in for over 15 years. It’s been quite a journey! There have been joyous times in there and painful times, and this, currently, is a gentle time.

    You know what that means, riiiight?!

    (more…)

    Category Fun, Home, Ideas, Love | Tags: , , , , , | No Comments

  8. Karma’s a Bitch

    November 26, 2011 by Maurica

    The front right half of our home, thus far.

    I’m not going to pretend to know or even understand karma, but I do laugh when I see it function so clearly and immediately around me. Louie and I often call it “kid karma” when one sibling so obviously teases (or whatnot) another sibling, only to turn around and walk effortlessly into the proverbial cream pie to the face. Life has a way of balancing out, no?

    This afternoon I was fashioning a giant peace sign out of stringed Christmas lights and my old 5 foot diameter hoola hoop (thanks, 2009 Live Oak!) for our Christmas yard decor. As I’m winding lights around and around, I share a couple tales of good-meaning folks have done lots of work to make peace sign anything (wreaths, hand-embroidered pins, whatev), yet forgot the lower center line on the peace sign, thus making an adorable Mercedes wreath/pin/whatev.

    Purty!

    Hilarious! Well-intentioned & yet tragically misguided! I have never been able to muster the courage to inform one of these good folks (even a beloved friend of mine one fair Christmas!) of their “typo”. Winding lights away, we all had a good chuckle. I finish winding, twist-tying and generally fretting over the ratios of my peace sign only to plug it in. Oh yeah, why didn’t I plug in the lights to test them first? Oh, damn! A handful of bulbs are burned out! And then I step back and notice, the only burned out bulbs are the ones directly on that fateful middle line, thus making a beautiful glowing Meredes logo out of my dilapidated hoola hoop. (Where is the photo? Whoops. I forgot to capture it! Sorry!)

    Ah, karma! Thank you for giving me & my family & visiting houseguest a good laugh at my own expense today! Well, played, I deserved that one.

    Category Fun | Tags: , , | No Comments

  9. Growth & Change

    November 19, 2011 by Maurica

    I’m generally OK with other people’s “issues”, however you’d like to describe that concept. My awareness of my own personal issues and triggers is well documented, in my head at least, so I am pretty clear about other’s stuff on their own side of the street. This is a handy tool in day-to-day life, and I usually can’t help but smile (sorry!) when I see folks so obviously (to me) act out and project the intricacies of their psyches for the world to see. How often people show their true colors! …so doing me, and anyone nearby who’d care to notice, a great service. Thanks, Bud! For showing who you really are in there! Oh, the stories I could tell!

    Public interactions aside, this is valuable in my personal life as well. My children can act out, my husband can have a bad moment or day, my good friends can vent, I can catch an unapproving tone and yet: I am fine. I do not react (much). I know who I am and I know projection when I see it. Here’s the interesting part: I know, without a doubt, it is not my calling or purpose to call others on their stuff. Who am I to suggest people to change? Who am I to attempt to alter someone’s life path? My calling is be loving, nonjudgemental and supportive. I strive for total acceptance; and I freely admit that to love someone is to completely accept them in their perfect imperfectness and not try to change them (myself included). And, let’s be honest, that can get a bit sticky when we’re talking about actual human beings with whom I cohabitate (myself included). Sticky: yes. Joyful: yes! Now when we talk about children, particularly teenaged and adult children, making poor choices that have lasting consequences, the strong inclination is to STOP them, CORRECT them and still, I’ll say it again: my role is to completely accept and love them in their perfect imperfectness and try not to change them. We are all on our Life Paths, and we are in absolutely no place to judge another’s Life Path, no matter how sinuous. “Good” is not always good and “bad” is not always bad, so I don’t discriminate between those two polarizing dichotomies. Much. On a good day. When my Patience Well is full. Thankfully, I am, by nature, an optimist.

    It is endlessly fascinating to see who we attract into our lives. In the past couple years my life has been filled with these amazing women, along with their children and life partners. I learn something new from them every time we talk. And we talk A LOT. There is laughter. And I could not love these women and their families more. I grow so very much through them, they literally inspire me. But I’m getting off target here. (Honestly, I could go on and on about my friends! Walt Whitman’s I Saw in Louisiana a Live-Oak Growing pops into mind. Yes, I am a WW junky.) What I mean to say it this: they attract me and I attract them and together we learn and grow and love. I see them and they see me and no one challenges anyone. Ah, love!

    So. My …oh, say… tolerance. For other’s shenanigans is very high, and my Well of Patience is very deep. Unless. Unless. Unless. It’s not and it’s not. And that’s kind of where I have been living the past few months. It’s strange for me, and I’m not adjusting well. Suddenly, those folks who I dearly love but don’t quite energetically match (for lack of a better, non-new-agey term) are suddenly much, much farther from me. Displaced. And I don’t like it. And yet, I have landed at a new plateau of inner peace. Acceptance of reality. Love. Self Love. Joy. Why am I so joyful? (I’m afraid of the answer.) (And, while that’s a joke, there’s a tiny, tiny, tiny kernel of truth in there.)

    And here in lies the rub. I am resting, preparing, and will eventually ramp up for the next soul climb to the next higher plateau. It’s a challenge, and I can see it, and though I’m not quite ready for it yet, I will be. And then, I will be there: crawling up, disheveled and bewildered, an incubating pupa forming nascent wings. Will you be there with me? God, I hope so.

    Category Spirit | Tags: , , , , , | No Comments

  10. Latest Obsession

    November 15, 2011 by Maurica

    I’m not quite sure how I ended up here, researching and fantasizing about trilooms and weaving, but….you know….here I am!

    Category Art | Tags: , | No Comments

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